Buying a house

Folks have been buying and selling houses for centuries but this is my first time to do so.  I have wanted a house for as long as I can remember but timing and circumstances haven’t worked out thus far.  Now, as a friend said, I have hit the perfect storm of house buying.  It all started fast and caught me off guard.  I wasn’t expecting things to move so quickly.  Then the slow down happened and I wasn’t expecting the tons of little things.

Now I have always heard that I will sign my name a bazillion times at closing.  What I have never heard are the many forms you fill out and sign on the way to closing.  It seems like a never ending trail of forms.  At this rate I could save the paper, re-press it back into trees and build a house with what I would get.

I have also heard of closing costs and downpayment costs but oh my goodness it is the fees that will kill you.  In the first meeting with the realtor where he explained how the process works I heard a lot of “you’ll pay that at closing” or “the seller covers that at closing.”  Then the process started and I heard, “I need a check from you for x amount for x.”  Then, “I need a check from you for x amount to cover y.”  Now, “since this problem was revealed in the inspection I need a check from you to cover z.”  I’ve been told that this kind of nickel and dime stuff is a part of homeownership because of maintenance and upkeep but I wasn’t ready for it in the actual buying process.

Having the money to cover the expenses isn’t the problem it is the not expecting them to come that is throwing me for a loop.  Why can’t businesses just tell us what things cost without giving a price plus fees?  I was looking up info on utilities today also and every one of them has a price plus fees so it is impossible to know ahead of time what my actual bottom line cost will be.  The thing that will really irk me is that I will see the price and a fee breakdown when I order the service but then I will get the bill and it will have the price, fees, and taxes.  How in the world do you work up a budget to plan for home ownership when you won’t know the real cost of stuff until after you own the home?

My solution so far has to been to work with percentages not real dollar amounts.  I try to err on the high side.  I pray that the things I am off on will balance out between those I shot high on and those I shot low on.  I guess if it doesn’t work out the way I have it budgeted then I will have a nice house where I eat a lot of cereal, oatmeal, and ramon noodles.

“Hello, welcome to my new home.  Could I get you a cup of water and a couple crackers?” 

Finally, for those of you that keep asking, “Yes, I am excited.”  I know it is hard to tell because I’m not jumping up and down but I have a few things on my mind like forms, fees, inspections, and closing.  Then there is cleaning and packing my current place, deciding on a moving date, trying to figure out if I will paint and if so what colors.  Do I want to get furniture now or wait until later?  What do I really want my decorating style to be?  Do I have a decorating style?  How will the bikes be stored and can I pull off the idea in my head?  How soon after moving do I want to start commuting by bike?  Should I buy a new commuter bike or rather, when should I buy a new commuter bike?

I’m a nuts and bolts kinda thinker and as long as there are things to attend to or that hold my attention then my excitement will not be so evident.  Besides, it ain’t mine until I sign on that final line and write that final check.  When I hold the keys in my hand, then I will show my excitement.

Humble Listeners

I am so very blessed to attend a congregation full of humble listeners.  I know that ministers in general want to listen to Holy Spirit and want to get out of the way so God shows instead of them but some do it better than others.  The ministers where I attend are really really good at this.

The worship leader, Ken, is amazing in his gentleness, foresight, and stability.  I absolutely LOVE singing praise and worshipping with him leading.  He is one of those folks that just opens his mouth and beautiful song comes pouring out.  He comes from a very large, very talented family of singers so he comes by it honest.  I appreciate that he is open to the Spirit’s leading and that he is a vessel for God’s comfort and blessings.

Our preaching minister, Don, is truly gifted in crafting stories and discerning jewels of wisdom from God’s word.  I know Don so I know it is not him but his willingness to be led that allows all this knowledge to pour forth. (wink wink, Don).  More seriously though, he really does open himself up so that God can pour himself in.  Don is quick to get himself out of the way so God can be seen.  Holy Spirit has many blank canvasas available in our church but none more willing than Don.

I have appreciated these men and their service since coming to Atlanta but I rarely speak of this admoration.  After the events of the past 2 weeks, most specifically this past week, I felt it necessary to say something.  Neither of them know about the struggles my family has been dealing with over the past 2 weeks although they would both be supportive and give me big hugs if they did.  I know this because over the past week I have seen and heard of their response to the Prather family.  I know how their hearts are broken and yet they ministered to all around them.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to be in church Sunday morning when I found out earlier in the week that the whole service was being changed so that it would center around the Prather’s and everyone else’s responses to this tragety.  But what I experienced was touching, comforting, and healing not just in the Prather sadness but also my family’s sadness.

I could not sing it but the song Blessed Be Your Name was powerful.  While I am not totally convinced that everything that happens is God giving and taking away it is a great song.  I know that God can give in times that things have been taken away but it isn’t always God doing the taking.  Then the sermon, “Where to find hope when hope seems hidden.”  I thought this would be a “why do bad things happen to good people” sermon or a lesson from Job’s trials but it wasn’t, it was totally unexpected and totally what I needed to hear.

In Matthew when the soldiers came to arrest Jesus and his disciples tried to defend him, Jesus said, “Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?  But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen in this way?”  Jesus is telling his disciples that if all that were happening in this moment was my arrest for false accusations then sure I could call down all the fury of heaven to rescue me from this circumstance.  But there is more to what is going on than meets the eye so I must stay in this moment and God will carry me through it.

That is powerful stuff there folks.  When I call on God’s angels to place a hedge of protection around those I love and it seems as though they got lost or hung up elsewhere I now know that they are poised and ready when it is a situation where I need to be rescued but they are present and supportive when it is a situation that I must endure because more may be happening than meets the eye.

Thank you Ken and Don for being humble listeners.  Thank you Holy Spirit for offering the words I needed to hear.

Commute

Yesterday I planned to ride my bike for a good long while.  I needed the time out on the road since my bike is my therapy and a lot has been going on lately.  So to kill two birds with one stone I drove to my office and decided to ride from work to the house I am trying to buy.  I wanted to check out the roads and see what a commute would look like.

In my stupidity I didn’t leave home early enough so I ended up riding in the heat of the day.  It was 94 when I started and 99 when I stopped.  Stinkin hot is what that is!

The ride from the office to the house was great.  The roads are decent and not too hilly so it is very doable.  Because of the heat and fact I haven’t ridden in a few weeks I hung out at the house for about 30 minutes to cool down and catch my breath.  I rode slow and easy not trying to break any records but the heat just made it hard.  Even with those factors the ride was only 42 minutes.  I was hoping for under an hour and got it.  With some practice and road familiarity this should be a nice 35 minute ride between home and work.

While sitting on the driveway I got to say hello to a neighbor next door, saw a mother and two sons across the street clean out the family van, and saw the neighbor directly across from me come home and walk into the house.  Overall it seems like a pretty quiet street.  It is a cul-de-sac so probably only gets traffic from the folks that live there.  I have been by in the evening afterwork, in the mid-afternoon, and now on a Saturday.  All 3 of those times it has been just as quiet.  A friend has driven by a couple of different times and has reported the same thing only adding that there were some dogs out once but seemed to belong to the house directly across the street and were not a nuisance.

After cooling down a bit and eating some powerbar I decided I needed to be heading back.  If I thought coming was slow and easy then going back was a crawl.  About a mile down the road I stopped at a convenience store to get some powerade.  I enjoyed the cool of the store for a minute before going back out and upon drinking the cold energy drink I realized how warm my water had gotten.  I didn’t notice until there was a contrast so the rest of the ride my water seemed yucky and hot but I had to keep drinking to keep pedaling.

I took the same route back that I used coming.  While it was a decent route coming it wasn’t so hot going back.  It was much hillier but still doable.  But there is a small section of a very busy road that I had to cover.  Coming it was a right turn onto the busy road and right turn off of it.  Going back those would both be left turns.  Not to be like J. Edgar Hoover (who was afraid of left turns and refused to let his drivers ever make one) I still don’t like making a left on the bike, especially onto busy roads and off of them.  To avoid doing this during this ride I walked my bike across the street before the main road and rode through a Hummer parking lot.  I thought the string of car dealers might have their lots connected but they didn’t.  I rode through one lot, walked the bike over the curb or grassy area, and then rode through the next lot until going through the 3rd lot that connected to the road I wanted to be on.  That road had a bike path along the side of it that I stayed on because I was doing about 7 miles an hour up the hill and didn’t want to be that slow on the road.

With the little detour I made I knew that this route would not work for a morning commute because I had to add in rush hour traffic and figure the route that way to make it doable or not.  Some more research is needed.  When I got back to the office I noticed a buddy of mine was in so I decided to go say hello and get some ice for my water bottle for the drive home.  My friend was on vacation all last week and hadn’t heard about the contract on the house.  She was excited and wanted to know the route I just rode.  After telling her she started naming several alternate routes off the top of her head.  This made me happy because it means the route in to work can be fixed.  Another friend, that lives in that area and that I call a walking mapquest, told me that out of all the ways to get from point A to point B the way I went would have been the last suggestion she would have made.  Again, reassurance the route can be fixed.  This friend even said that someday she would take me driving in the area so I could learn the roads, where the closest grocery, retail stores, and other needed businesses are located.

Overall I did 20 miles, didn’t pass out from the heat, stayed hydrated, and learned alot about the rideability of my potential future commute.  Other than a touch of sunburn (that has already gone away) I would say it was a very successful outing on the bike.

New Day — Update

When you hold a membership card at a bunch of random places you get some fun stuff for your birthday.  I got a free sandwich from Shane’s Rib Shack coupon so I made my lunch bunch group go there for lunch.  One of the guys in the group was gracious enough to cover the $2.11 I paid for my side and drink.  I got a free chocolate fondue for 2 at The Melting Pot.  My friend Holly, after twisting her arm, agreed to help me eat that.  So for dinner we had the Swiss Cheese fondue, I had spinach and mushroom salad, she had something I can’t pronounce, then we ate steak, chicken, tuna, and shrimp in an oil, and topped it all off with the milk chocolate/crunchy peanut butter dessert fondue.  We ate light on the entree and then cooked up the leftovers for me to bring home thus saving room for the chocolate.  I also got a coupon for a free large soft drink at AMC theaters. Finally I got a 25% off any regular price item at Border’s bookstore.  So carry memberships and get free stuff for your birthday.

As I was leaving work today the realtor called with a counteroffer, we talked a bit and he went back to the seller with a counter to their counter.  Next phone call was him saying they accepted the counter.  He is rewriting the contract to include the agreed upon price and stipulations, that will get signed tomorrow and I am off to the races with the loan app, inspections, figuring out a bike commute route, not getting sick thinking about what I am doing, daydreaming about decorating and entertaining, etc etc etc.

My brother called and sang Happy Birthday using my real name and not some obnoxious nickname.  He hardly ever calls me by Renee.  Dana has called, facebooked, and texted every version of Happy Birthday she could think of today.  My cousins have left me notes on facebook.  My friends turned out for my painting/fundraiser last night and I got a Home Depot gift card.  The managers at work decorated my desk, but knowing how much I despise the clutter in my work area, they were kind and put up minimal decor.  So the birthday part of the day has been great.

Now for the horrible news:  Isaiah has been placed in a respite house until a more suitable facility, with an opening, can be found for him.  We can visit him but the facilities he is most likely to go to will be in either Alexandria or Baton Rouge.  Both places are NOT close to Shreveport.  We are still hopeful that treatment will work out in a way that he can come back home to us.  We just don’t know what his future will hold and that scares us a lot.  Whenever your preacher says “turn to Isaiah” think about my brother and say a prayer for him.  Whenever you see an autism puzzle piece on a car, think about my brother and say a prayer for him.  Whenever you pass a cyclist on the road think about bikegirl and her family and say a prayer for us.

New Day

By the time I finish typing this it will be a new day.  It will be my birthday but it will not start out a happy birthday.  I should be in bed right now but I would not sleep if I were there so I am up and on the computer.  I am on the computer because it is the only thing I can do where I am not sobbing to the point of nausea.

The situation with my youngest brother is not getting any better.  Today was a terrible horrible no good very bad day for my parents, especially Mom.  Isaiah is one of our foster children but really he is much much more than that.  He has been with our family since he was 2 1/2 months old.  He came to us with a very poor prognosis but my family (mostly my parents) loved him through it and he has thrived for the past 14 years as a very permanent part of our family.  Due to some medication issues and his changing body he is not doing well these days.  He has outbursts that can become violent.  He needs professional help but he doesn’t fit in anybody’s nice little box so there seems to be no one that can help him.  My family does not believe that, we know there is help for him out there we just don’t know where or how to get plugged in to it.    My parents are his biggest advocates and have fought the system many times on his behalf but this time the system seems large, daunting, and very unhelpful.  We are unsure of what will happen now or next.  We are afraid we might lose Isaish in this process.  That is not acceptable.  It is unbearable to even consider.

Please pray, plead, beg for the right help to present itself  for Isaiah.  We need him to get better.  We need him to remain ours.  He is afterall MY BROTHER.

As if this were not enough emotional turmoil for the week or the night, more bad news has been piled on.  I mentioned before the family from church.  The Prather’s were in a car accident on Monday.  Matthew, 15 years old, was killed instantly.  Michael, dad, and Stephen, 18 years old, were treated and released from the hospital pretty quickly.  They only suffered bruising and minor cuts, physically.  Jeanette, mother, suffered a lot of serious injuries resulting in never regaining consciousness.  Today, she was determined to not have sustainable brain activity.  She is an organ donor so once she has provided all she can for others, one last time, she will be taken off of life support assistance.  The funeral for both, mother and son will be Sunday.  I can not imagine the pain and loss that Michael and Stephen are enduring right now.  I pray for them.

I know that things will get better, for my family and for the Prathers.  I don’t know how long we will sob but I know we are held in our Father’s arms and He will provide guidance and comfort.  We might all cry out in anger and anguish but we know our Father loves us and only wants to prosper us, not harm us.

When my brain knows nothing else to do, my heart knows to sing praise.  My arms know to hold tight.  My legs know to move in the direction that is illuminated.  If I keep praising, holding on, and moving, my brain will eventually catch back up and will know what to do next. But for now all I know is it is a New Day.

Mixed Emotions

My certification exam is behind me now.  Yeah!  The test was hard, real hard.  I knew some of the questions as soon as they came up but it felt like more of them I guessed at than actually knew.  I won’t know if I passed or not until mid-August.  I don’t feel good about the results but everybody I know tells me I did better than I think,  I hope they are right.  The wait is annoying but I am okay with it because it is behind me and there is nothing I can do to change the outcome now.

After my exam I went house hunting with my Realtor.  We looked at 7 houses that were on my list that was narrowed down from about 25 or 30 that I found through internet searches.  Out of the 7 I have narrowed the list to 4 and ranked them in order of most liked to least liked or actually “doable if nothing else comes along.”  The number one house on my list seems perfect in everyway except the water mark I noticed on the living room ceiling that we found a corresponding water mark in an upstairs bedroom closet.  A construction guy is going out today to look at the damage and give a repair estimate and a total roof replacement estimate.  From there the Realtor will speak with the listing agent about fixing the problem and/or lowering the price.  The house is slightly out of my price range so we needed to be negotiating a lower price anyway but this whole roof thing may knock this one off the list.

The number two house on my list is more of a co-number one.  I really like it and it seems to be in really good shape.  The bike commute route to work would be similar to the first house but partly on a busy road, not a major road but a busy one.  This house has a gutter that drains onto the roof down to another gutter.  It needs a gutter extender from the first to the second.  If the first house doesn’t work out and we move on to this one then we need someone to make sure the roof in front of the gutter isn’t damaged and then some extenders need to be put in place.  The more I talk about the two houses the more I lean toward this second one.

Number 3 is near Number 1 but it has some things I’m not thrilled about but could live with if it got to that one on the list.  Number 4 is near Number 2 and it has a floor plan that could be really fun or really annoying.  Since I haven’t decided which yet, it is lower on the list.

So exam done, yeah.  House list narrowed and in the hands of the Realtor, yeah and yeah.

Then Monday night I learned a family from church had a car wreck on their way home from Florida.  Their 15 year old was killed on impact and the mother is in critical condition.  The father and 18 year old son were treated and released.  This family is very involved at church and loved by all that know them.  The teens are devastated because these boys are such a huge part of the youth group.  We all hurt with Michael and Steven and we are all praying for Jeanette.  We are mourning the loss of Matthew.

Sunday Hailey left the hospital, got in the car and headed to Jacksonville.  Hailey and her mom are there for the week going through testing and orientation to learn about the next treatment regime Hailey will go through.  She is going to the hospital each day for what needs to be done but then going to the hotel with Mom each night.  They walked along the boardwalk yesterday and the pics of Hailey out in the sun and having fun just does my heart good.  They will return to Atlanta the end of this week.  They will spend a couple of weeks at home being a regular family, barring any setbacks Hailey might have (pray for NO setbacks).  Then July 13th Hailey, her mom and siblings will be in Jacksonville to start the 6 week proton beam radiation treatments.

I mentioned my little brother in a recent post.  He was able to go home over the weekend because the other foster kids were out on respite.  He has done well since being back so everyone is back home and things are status quo for now but something still needs to be decided about his meds and treatment or possible placement elsewhere.  We are praying for the right provider with the right treatment options to come into Isaiah’s life so he can stay with us.  The thought of possibly losing him is too hard to bare.

My friend Nova has finished her minimum 4 rounds of chemo.  She has struggled with this last round and has spots on her liver.  They believe they are fatty deposits from the chemo and not more tumors.  That is what I am hoping for her.  Once she finds out about her liver then she has to decide if she will go ahead with the recommended 5th and 6th rounds of chemo.  She was able to go to the softball world series like she does every year.  She had to watch some of the afternoon games in the hotel instead of the field because of heat and/or fatigue but she got to be at the field for all the games she wanted to really see live.  After her initial diagnosis this trip was real iffy.  She fought hard to be well enough to go.  It is the highlight of her year most years.  I am very thankful she was able to make it.

So, Hailey good – yeah; Prather’s hurting – not yeah; Nova okay but not great – semi-yeah; Isaiah home but still unsure about future – semi-yeah.

There are a couple of other things weighing on my mind and emotions but they are not at a point I can discuss them in a public forum yet. Just pray for discernment.

My birthday fundraiser is tomorrow night — big yeah.  Then I am going to The Melting Pot for my actual birthday on Friday — big yeah again.

So if I add up all the yeah’s and semi-yeah’s then the overall emotion is good.  But the not yeah and other half of the semi-yeah’s is very heavy.  Still not sure how it all balances out so I’ll just live in the moment I am in and go with that emotion at the time.  I feel like throwing my hands in the air and yelling since that is what you do on rollercoasters.

Dad

I keep forgetting that Father’s Day is coming up this Sunday.  Dana and I gave mom and dad their gift together this year so it has been checked off the list.  That doesn’t mean I can forget to call on actual Father’s Day so I have to keep reminding myself.

At church they are compiling stories about father’s.  They asked anybody that wanted to to write a short essay about their father or father figure in their life. Well, my dad is a lot like me or I’m a lot like him, anyway I knew he wouldn’t want the attention and wouldn’t care to have a story written or not so I wasn’t going to participate.  Then I got an email from the church office that mentioned that when they came up with this idea there were certain folks they really wanted to hear from and my name was on that list.  When I didn’t respond initially they were hoping to prompt me along and participate.  So I wrote something for them. 

Here is what I submitted to the church about my Dad:

Like Moses, my father has lived 3 distinct periods in his life.

 

Moses started out living as royalty in the palace learning the ways of Egyptian leadership.  Unlike those surroundings my father was raised a country boy on a farm in Tennessee.  He worked the hay and tobacco fields with his Dad and brothers until his asthma wouldn’t allow him in the hay barns.  Then he worked in the house with his Mom and sisters.  Due to this mix of chores, Dad is well rounded in his handyman skills from being able to fix almost anything that moves to being a fabulous cook and sometimes seamstress.  Dad can crochet, knit and tat (a great and dwindling art form).  Dad’s handyman skills led him to special jobs in school like getting to fix whatever broke around the schoolhouse.  The benefit to this was getting in good with the principal so that when he started dating the principal’s daughter he didn’t catch too much grief.

 

Now Moses didn’t get to stay in his plush abode and his royal status didn’t do much for him when he had to run away and live in the desert for a few decades.  Dad didn’t have to run away from anything, well not really.  He graduated the top of his class and hitchhiked his way to college.  He was the only one of the 7 kids in his family to go to college.  While in school the US got involved in a war and Dad knew that when the draft was instated his number would come up so he applied for an educational deferment.  When he was drafted he joined the Air Force, the first branch of the military to grant his deferment.  Dad was able to graduate from TN Tech with a degree in Civil Engineering.  But after that he got to spend the next 20 years of his life in the Air Force.  Most of that time was spent as a Radar Navigator on a B-52 but a 13 month stint of the time he was the ranking officer on Wake Island effectively making him the Governor of Wake Island.

 

Finally Moses was called to lead his people out of captivity and ended up wandering with them in the desert for 40 years.  I am sure Dad feels that way a lot of days.  You see when he retired from the Air Force he and Mom started keeping foster children full time.  He leads children out of abusive and neglectful situations and I am sure that since they specialize in special needs children the path often feels like desert wanderings.  For the past 20 something years my parents have kept 68 foster children, adopting one, and having one permanently placed with our family.  They have seen children from shaken baby syndrome, drug addicts, fetal alcohol syndrome, severely burned, autistic, and blind.  They have saved children from a prognosis of death on more than one occasion and helped a blind infant regain her eyesight then move on to a great adoptive home.

 

I don’t know if this season of life will carry Dad to his promised land or if there is another season awaiting him but I do know that he is a mighty leader and a great man of God.  He always taught us to do our best, “99.9% isn’t good enough”, leave things better than we found them, and think before we act, “you’ve got to be smarter than the doorknob.”  His 3 natural, one adopted, and 67 other foster children have lived that out in our lives.  Dad’s children have worked in the fields of professional chef, photographer, therapist, Federal law enforcement, minister, and child care worker.  We strive to do our best not for our employers but because we carry the name Spivy and our Dad does too.  We want to leave things better than we find them because Dad said to.

When it rains, it pours

I thought I was overwhelmed last week, I didn’t know anything about overwhelmed.

My last post “Rolling Ball” was vague and generic on purpose.  I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure I was in this thing for the long haul and I know that putting this out there will result in lots of unsolicited opinions.  So here goes,  my rolling ball is me looking for a house.  I have wanted to own my own house for as long as I can remember.  My circumstances or finances have never worked out together where that would be possible.  Now I think they are finally coming together.  Of course the first hurdle I had to jump was “Do I want to stay in Atlanta for the next 3-5 years, minimum?”  I did a lot of soul searching and place in life assessment and decided that “yes, I can handle remaining in Atlanta.”  It is all Dana’s fault I am here so if my attitude changes I will just blame her.

The next hurdle was “Do I have the financial ability to buy a house?”  Because of some different factors that have all come together at the same time, “Yes, I believe I can afford a house right now.”  That doesn’t mean I will buy what the bank says I can afford, nor will I get strapped with more than I know I can handle in a monthly payment.  I am okay with walking away from this idea at any moment.  “I will not be house poor, not the day I move in, and not next year, and not 3 years later.”  I want to do this thing right, so I am asking lots of questions and going as slow as I need to, making sure I understand the answers.

The current hurdle I am trying to jump is “Which house do I buy?”  I am looking for 2-3 bedrooms, 2 – 2.5 baths, fireplace, garage and no more than 10 miles from the office (I want to be able to commute by bike).  Now those are pretty generic and there are lots of houses and townhouses that meet those criteria so the narrowing it down process is proving to be difficult.  But this is where I want to enjoy the journey.  I want to have fun looking, exploring houses, thinking about decorating (okay furniture arrangement, I doubt I will do much decorating), get togethers, quiet prayer places, and locating bike riding routes around the neighborhood and to the office.

I am working really hard at not thinking too far ahead, like moving details, paint colors, repair items or future furniture/appliance needs.  I want to be aware that there are details to attend to but I don’t want to give them full attention before their time is actually here.

So, while the house buying journey is a big one and time consuming it is not all that is occupying my time.  This coming Monday I have a certification exam to take.  This exam will credential me as a Certified Professional Credentialing Specialist.  Sounds fancy huh?  While having this certification does nothing for me in the immediate future it could prove to be handy down the road.  The unfortunate part about taking this exam is that I actually have to study for it.  And studying involves reading medical standards for The Joint Commission and other accrediting bodies.  NOT FUN.

Then, next Thursday, I am having a fundraiser/birthday party.  I sent out an invite on fb and I have talked to close friends about it but I haven’t done the invitations I intended to do and I haven’t invited random folks I come in contact with like I intended to do so I am not sure how well attended the fundraiser will be.  I hope the folks that ARE coming will be bringing friends.  I just haven’t had the time or brain cells to get this stuff done.

Finally, jockeying for time, emotions, and brain cells is family stuff.  My youngest brother, Isaiah, is having a tough time this week.  He has been in the hospital since Sunday night while they work on some medication adjustments for him.  There is alot more going on with this whole thing than I can communicate now because it is hard to think or talk about.  So let me just leave it with this and ask for prayers for Isaiah and my family.

So I have fun stuff (house and fundraiser) and difficult stuff (exam and Isaiah) all going on at the same time.  Each of these could be time consuming in their own right but having them all crop up at the same time is wearing me out.  The house stuff can be put on a back burner but not for too long if I want to benefit from federal and state tax credits.  It is the lowest priority item but it is my greatest obsession right now.  I have dreamed of being in this position for a long time so it is hard to put it aside and concentrate on other things.  I can’t do anything about Isaiah’s situation except pray and yet I feel like it should be the greatest time consumer of all.  The fundraiser and exam just are what they are and just happen to be hitting with everything else.

But hey, I have a coupon for The Melting Pot to use on my birthday next Friday the 26th.  Anybody want to go eat fondue with me?  Nothing says cast your cares aside like warm chocolate with stuff to dip in it!

Rolling Ball

I have been absent from the blog this week because I have been a little overwhelmed.

In asking a few questions and following the referrals from each new answer I got a ball rolling that I wasn’t sure I wanted rolling yet.  Somehow it took on a life of its own and started moving faster than I could control it.  I have now learned that I am in charge of this ball and it should roll at the speed I want, I just have to assert my will over it and make it behave.  I am feeling much better now.

The thing about this is that I wanted to move this ball and have dreamed about it for awhile but now that it is moving it is scary and overwhelming.  It isn’t supposed to be.  So last night, while nursing a sore shoulder, I spent a good bit of time praying very specifically about this particular ball.  I went to sleep at peace with where I am.  I woke up excited and ready to control this moving thing so that I don’t get sucked up in the process.

A professor of mine use to always tell me to enjoy the process.  He didn’t want me to get to the destination too fast nor to get there and realize the journey was the destination and I missed it.  So I am taking a step back, relying on God, and I will enjoy this journey.  In the process I may not end up at the destination and that will be okay with me.  I’m just along for the ride because God is driving this thing.  As He wants it to unfold, it will, and I will move through it and on to the next thing one step at a time. 

This is new for me, I really like destinations and like focusing on them so being in the moment and taking one step then the next, not getting too far ahead of myself will be an interesting journey for sure.

Overworked

I occasionally listen to Dave Ramsey’s radio show.  I like hearing folks talk about being debt free.  When someone calls in and gets to yell “I’m Debt Free,” Ramsey will ask a few questions about how they were able to stick to the plan and what was easy or hard about it.  You will hear over and over about how being disciplined is hard at first but as the debt starts shrinking they become obsessed with getting rid of it and just go crazy pinching pennies and working extra to finish off the last bit of debt.

I totally understand where they are coming from.  I have worked to get out of debt since getting out of school.  I have had setbacks and slow times but the past year and a half I have been able to really dwindle stuff down.  I am really close to having everything gone but student loan debt.  I am so close that I want this last little bit gone and gone NOW.  So I can’t wait for the paycheck that allows for paying down the debt but also I have been taking every shift at the bike shop I can work and then anything else I am offered.  The extra bike shop work is cutting in to my sit with Hailey time which is annoying but the extra money will go pretty far in getting me closer to done with debt.

This weekend I think I went a little overboard with work but I really want to be free.  So this weekend looked like this:  Friday night I left regular work a bit early to meet a group of folks for the Braves game (no work involved but a late night).  It was Friday night Fireworks so we left the game late because we stayed for the show.  Then Saturday I worked at the bikeshop 10 -6, left there to go to church to work for a caterer 6:30 – 12:30.  I was so tired Saturday night I knew it wouldn’t take long to fall asleep but my feet were so sore from all the standing and walking all day that I knew that when my legs started relaxing they would hurt.  I don’t like taking any meds but to fight off the soreness I took a Tylenol PM.  I slept well which meant I really didn’t want to get up Sunday.

Sunday was promotion day for the children’s classes.  This always causes some confusion and drama so I knew it would be a busy morning.  As soon as church ended I rushed through lunch with my friends and headed over to the bike shop.  I worked there from 1 – 5.  There was a line of folks to get in at opening and it stayed that busy the whole  4 hours.  I had planned to do a bike ride after work but my feet still hurt from Saturday and I was tired so I decided to visit my buddy Hailey.

Hailey has had a very rough weekend.  Last Sunday when I sat with her she had just had emergency brain surgery to place an external drain in her head.  That went well . . . until she started bleeding.  Thursday was a very bad day in Hailey world.  She ended up in PICU very weak and very irritable.  Things looked the worst they have for her.  Her parents have been amazing through all the procedures and set backs so far, having good days and bad but mostly good.  This time they were struggling just like Hailey.  They have all been through so much they are just feeling overworked and overwhelmed.  Then Hailey turned the corner, again.  This kiddo just keeps pulling through and keeps pulling through.

So here I am sitting with Hailey, Sunday night at the end of a very long weekend for both of us.  I feel tired and sore and overworked from my own obsession with freedom from debt.  Hailey is tired and sore from fighting so hard to be free from cancer.  She has the much greater fight.  She has the much greater workload to be overworked from.  I can only sit here and marvel at her resolve and her strength.  Even in her weakest moments she shows such strength.  We know that God is strong when we are weak but being able to see Hailey’s fight and determination shows me what that really means.  What it means to have strength in weakness.  To rely on God’s strength because you have none left of your own.  To bless others around you when all you are doing is trying to survive.  I am reminded that hard work is good, being overworked is not the end of the battle but it gets you there, and that no matter how weak you feel you bless others with your strength because they are watching you.