A few years ago it would have been hard to believe that statement because I was overweight.  How can someone who doesn’t like food be overweight?  Well, it is because I am a carbs junkie.  If I have to eat then I want to eat breads and pastas.  Once upon a time those were my staple items.

A couple of years ago I decided it was time to get back down to my ideal weight.  I set a goal weight and ideal weight and started restructuring my eating habits.  That process is outlined in a previous blog if you are interested.  Now that I am dancing around between my goal and ideal I am maintaining.  This has not been all that hard to do since I restructured how and what I eat.

My personal (non-fitness) goal for 2012 is to be more intentional about eating healthy.  Before, I was cutting out bad stuff, fattening stuff, but not really focusing on healthy stuff.  I have started cooking at home and actually enjoy it more than I thought I would.  That is good because I will stick with it longer if I don’t think of it as a major chore.  Of course I have always enjoyed grilling and that is pretty much what I am doing now, only it is on the George Foreman in the house and not the grill on the patio.

In order for me to fuel properly before, during and after, hard cycling efforts I met with a nutritionist.  I was having problems with post effort bonks which were borderline dangerous.  About 3 days after a big event or big ride weekend I would be lethargic and weak to the point of nausea and spacey thinking.  I even left work early one day because I was so bad I was not being productive and I just wanted to sleep.  I needed to just eat.

Meeting with Meredith was great.  She really knows her stuff and was well prepared for our meeting.  She gave me a lot of good advice and more importantly she gave me numbers.  I like numbers.  I can see numbers.  I can understand numbers.  I can relate to numbers.  Now I have to make the food become numbers.  One suggestion that Meredith had was to track my intake and output.  This is easily done through a food and fitness journal.  But that doesn’t make it numbers for me.  She also suggested using the free Livestrong - myplate website to track my meals.

I am a cyclist and I can appreciate what Lance Armstrong has done as a cyclist and the inundation of marketing he provided for cancer patients, but I do not like the man personally.  I have many reasons to not like him and therefore I don’t want to be associated with him in any way.  This becomes a problem on many levels.  I work for a Trek dealer and I ride Trek bikes.  That associates me with him on one level.  I love professional cycling and to talk about the professional peloton with non-cyclists you usually end up talking about Lance.  That is another level.  Folks that know me think of me whenever they hear or see something about cycling, so they mention any news they hear about Lance.  That is another level.  Now, I am supposed to utilize a website that bears the name of his organization – Livestrong.  How many connections to a guy I can’t stand can I tolerate?  I guess we will find out.

Since I have this aversion to Lance and all things Livestrong – I delayed actually using the website.  With my 2012 goals starting in, well – 2012 – I needed to get on the ball before the 1st month ended and I was behind the curve.  I have always kept some type of a fitness journal.  A week ago I started with the food journal.   That wasn’t too difficult since I already journal almost everything else in my life.  I just added a food section to my existing journal.  It is true that if you are writing down what you eat, you become very aware of every bite you take.  I think about a snack I want and then I think, “do I want to write that down in my journal?”  If I don’t want to admit to it on paper – in ink, then I don’t really want to eat it.

Now that I have a full week’s worth of meals written down, I decided it was time to try out the Livestrong - myplate feature.  It is quite an amazing tool.  I entered everything I ate.  Most of it was preloaded in and after typing the first couple of letters or first word a list of options came up for me to choose from.  A lot of what I have eaten is listed by the actual brand name and therefore the nutritional information has been verified.  The stuff I cooked at home was either listed by name (Kroger frozen talapia) or there was a generic enough equivalent to match what I had.  For 9 days worth of meals I didn’t have to manually type in any calorie amounts because the preloaded stuff was good enough or right on accurate.

This makes the food become numbers.  What I found out was the same thing I have been told by multiple sources – I do not eat enough calories in a day.  I get way too much sodium, but my fat calories and sugars are much better than they used to be.

Meredith plugged my information (age, height, weight, fitness, etc) into a formula and stated that if all I did all day long was lay on the couch and breathe, then I needed 1335 kcal per day to survive.  This is why my primary care provider chastised me for my 1200 – 1500 kcal per day diet 2 years ago when I had my physical.  Meredith went on to add in fitness numbers and stated that I need to be eating an average of 2300 kcal per day.  My reaction to that was a bit of shock.  My first thought was that I would have to eat constantly all day long to get that number of calories.  She assured me I wouldn’t.  She would help me find high calorie yet good for you foods to make it easy to reach that number without eating all day long.

This is my off-season, so I am not working out and definitely not riding like I do during the late – Spring through early – Fall.  This means I do not have to eat 2300 kcal per day.  I am very thankful for this because it gives me time to learn what I am eating and where I can increase.  What I found out today is that I am averaging about 1500 kcal per day over these past 9 days.  Not bad but not ideal.  With the ability to turn food into numbers I will learn over time how to manipulate that number the way I want and need to manipulate it for weight loss, general health, and preventing post ride bonks.

When I got a perfect score on a nutrition test in college I joked with my Dad that I passed the test by answering, “I’m deficient in that and have these symptoms, I am deficient in this and have those symptoms.”  After my past 2 physicals, where I did have some deficiencies, that joke isn’t so funny anymore.  My hope is that with this new way of looking at food and being intentional about eating healthy I may correct that balance and be able to stop taking supplements.  In a few more months I go in for updated blood work and I get my first glimpse into how I’m doing.

So, my relationship with food hasn’t really changed in that I still only eat because I have to in order to survive.  But, I am at least giving it a little more thought and doing a little bit more about planning and preparing healthy foods rather than grabbing whatever is fast and cheap to keep me going.  The true test will come this Summer when I am in full training mode.  I plan on riding A LOT this year.

P.S. – you really should check out the Livestrong - myplate.  No matter how you feel about Lance – it is a great tool and it is FREE.

Tonight I was added to the MS Leadership Class of 2012.  This is a group of 42 business leaders or up-and-coming business leaders in Atlanta that have been nominated by a friend or peer to work as a liaison between the business world and the world of community service through raising funds and awareness for Multiple Sclerosis.  In conjunction with the induction into the Class of 2012 there was a dinner and the MS Society’s Annual meeting.  As part of the annual meeting an update on research was given by Dr. Thrower. 

Dr. Thrower is a neurologist here in Atlanta that has specialized in MS research and treatment since 1996.  Other than being a wicked smart doctor and personable speaker he makes one great looking Captain Jack Sparrow. (more on that later)  Dr. Thrower shared the 3-prong plan of attack: Stop, Restore, End.  The idea is to find ways to stop the progression of MS symptoms and determine what is causing each symptom.  Next they want to restore the damage caused by MS – this is particularly exciting research because of the implications of cross-modality work with spinal injuries and other diseases like Parkinson’s.  Finally, the goal is to End MS through genetic markers and similar type research.

This year I could follow a good bit of what Dr. Thrower shared.  Some was still over my head.  Last year I had the privilege of attending the meeting because it was held in conjunction with the Team Captain’s rally.  The research update was given by a Ph.D researcher from the University of Alabama - Birmingham.  The bulk of her talk was over my head, but the glimpses of information that I think I understood fascinated me.  When the team captains went back to our meeting we all looked at each other and asked if anyone understood anything she said.  I said that I didn’t understand the words or the research or the implications of where she is headed with her work, but what I heard her say was – 20 years ago when I started doing BikeMS rides there was nothing for MS patients, a diagnosis was a death sentence, but what this researcher said was that now they not only have ideas of what MS is, how it develops, and what it attacks, but they can pinpoint a specific protein to hone in on and determine how it works in the disease progression.  What I heard was – 20 years of bike riding and fundraising has changed MS from a death sentence to a we are working on it and can help you with it on our way to eliminating it.  What I heard was – riding a bike makes a difference.

So tonight, after the meeting ended, I went up to Dr. Thrower and introduced myself.  I am sure he didn’t recognize me because the last time we met I was in cycling clothes and he was dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow.  You see Dr. Thrower owns a full-sized drag-it-around-the-country-on-a-trailer pirate ship.  He and some of his staff members and friends do reenactments and he has quite the authentic looking costuming and ship.  His group of reenactors, together with the Shepherd Center, hosted a breakpoint at the BikeMS ride year before last.  That is when I met him and had a picture made with him for my pirate loving sister.

Back to tonight – I introduced myself and asked if he knew where last year’s research speaker was in her findings?  Even though I understood very little of what she said I was curious to know where she might be in the process one year later.  He didn’t know.  He works with her research through a clinical contact and doesn’t work with her directly, so he didn’t have an update.  I thanked him for the work he is doing and told him about a co-worker of mine that is a patient of his and that came about because of my connection to MS through the bike rides and having met him as a pirate.  He thanked me for the work I do through the Bike rides and especially for helping out co-workers.  I also told him about riding with the Pedaling for Parkinson’s team captained by Dr. Jay Alberts.  He is familiar with Jay and his research using exercise to reduce Parkinson symptoms.  He then was more impressed with me and thanked me again for all I am doing with my bike for all the neurological diseases that benefit from the same research pool I am helping to fund.

I had to thank him again for his part, his approachableness, and his care for my co-worker and others like her.  That was the Escher moment when I expressed much appreciation for him and his work and he kept appreciating me and my fundraising.  Finally, someone else walked up to talk to him and the awkward thank-you, no thank-you dance ended.

Tonight made me proud of what I have done, excited for what has been accomplished and what is waiting around the corner to be discovered, and nervous about what all that means for this year’s planning, fundraising, and team captain responsibilities.  I know what I do makes a difference, so I want to do it bigger and better each year.  I want THIS fundraiser, THIS ride, THIS promotion to be THE one that leads to THE BREAKTHROUGH.  I want to be a part of Stopping, Restoring, and Ending.  I want to raise a Pina Colda on the beach with Dr. Thrower and say, “MS eradicated!”

Culley isn’t some down on his luck (even though he was) poor runaway (although he was) vagabond that ended up on a bike to buy his next beer or joint.  No, Culley is a guy with a college degree working in the Arts at an entry level job.  We all know the Arts don’t pay and entry level is abysmal.  He was close to being evicted and out on the streets when he showed up at a messengering place and applied for a job.  He wasn’t a runaway in the sense that he got mad at his folks and took off, but he was running from himself and like most folks that run – he found more than he bargained for, himself and his voice included.

The book gives very detailed descriptions of bike runs.  At times you find yourself leaning to avoid the obstacles coming at you.  Sometimes you realize you are holding your breath and are exhausted at the end of a paragraph because you felt like you were on the bike with him.  When he talks about running more drops in a day than anyone else you can feel the crazy and might even hallucinate with him.  Make sure you have a drink near by when reading because you will feel dehydrated and parched.  The descriptions of the bikes and the people who ride them were my kinda language, I really enjoyed how he talked about the bikes as beings, part of the team and not just a tool.

The world of bike messengers is not known.  I would even bet that most folks reading this didn’t realize messengers were still around.  They are and even here in Atlanta.  I know a messenger and his personality and physique are so much like what I was reading that often I would smile and think of Dean.  I could hear Dean saying or doing the things in the book.  I respect Dean for what he does on a bike, I am often offended by Dean by what he wears and says, and I am a little afraid of Dean because of his reckless abandon for life.  He truly is a bike messenger.

Messengers do a difficult and dirty job that is necessary even in a world of faxes, emails, and overnight express.  There are items that must be an original, a hard copy, or tool that would stop a business in its tracks if they did not have it.  Legal offices and travel agencies use messengers a lot.  The things they carry are highly valued even if they have no actual monetary value.  Messengers get it from point A to point B in a fast efficient manner putting life and limb on the line to meet quotas and deadlines.  The more drops you make in a day, the more money you make and if you are good then you can make really good money but it comes at a price.

Mechanical issues are constant, injuries are ever present, insults are incessant, harassment is expected.  Even the businesses that rely on their service treat the messenger as a second class citizen.  Roads were initially paved for bicycles but over time they have become the domain of the automobile.  Cars and trucks believe they own the road they occupy and dislike anything or anyone that comes into their space.  Motorcycle drivers experience this same bias against them but not as vehenomately as the cyclist.

I am a recreational cyclist and I experience the hatred, the insults, the indignant comments and rude behaviors.  I am a law abiding citizen that rides according to the rules of the road and I get cut off, swerved into, and things thrown at me.  I am not deterred by these things because ignorance on your part will not stop me from enjoying an activity I love and have every right to do.  There are cyclists that are not so law abiding and give other cyclists a bad rap, but there are just as many non-law abiding car drivers on the road.  It irritates me when folks question me on cyclists’ behavior or question my right to ride because they got mad at someone else on the road.  For every cyclist they saw run a stop sign I encountered just as many cars making an illegal turn.  Just as many drivers don’t know the rules of the road as cyclists, actually it is probably more car drivers than cyclists because bike riders learn the rules because it is a matter of life and death to know them even if you choose to disobey them.

I appreciate the work effort of the messenger.  I know the pain and the suffering that goes into the number of miles they ride.  I understand their mindset and why they ride the way they do – I do not condone it.  Messengers give cyclist a bad name in the worst way possible.  Cars see what they are doing and judge them and other cyclists on what they believe to be unsafe behavior.  Yes, it is illegal behavior but for a professional messenger it is far from unsafe.  They know the roads and they know cars like no one else out there.  Just like professional delivery drivers can anticipate traffic patterns and behaviors better than the casual driver a messenger can read pedestrians, obstacles, cars, and trucks better than the casual citizen.   They react before a reaction is needed and they squeeze by and narrowly miss on a consistent basis not because they are reckless but because they know the timing and flow of the city they ride everyday.

If cars would obey the rules of the road every one of them every time they got behind the wheel and messengers obeyed the rules of the road every one of them every time they mounted up then extreme behaviors would not be necessary.  The thing is – Americans are selfish, self-centered people who believe their mission is more important than anyone else’s therefore they do not have to abide by the rules although they believe everyone else should.  It only takes one person to disobey to make it unsafe for everyone.  When you get everyone disobeying at least one law if not multiple laws then you get extreme behavior to counter-act it.  You get messengers riding like vigilantes.

The other side of this book is the one where you see this messenger trying to make a difference in his city for himself, for his friends, and for his fellow Chicagoans.  He is an advocate for cyclists of all kinds: recreational, commuters, and professionals.  He works within the system and sometimes outside the system to bring awareness.  To know someone is there is to not ignore them and maybe to embrace them.  When you have forgotten and overlooked populations among you, you have outcasts and vagrants that you fear and therefore they become what you believe them to be because you have provided no other choice for them, no other options.  If the messenger had the option to ride safely on the roadways – they most certainly would choose that one, but they don’t always have that option.

This is a great book whether you ride a bike or not.  It talks about social injustice not just for messengers and bike riders all over but for social classes and all forgotten people.  The invisible among us.  Maybe in reading this book you will notice someone you haven’t seen before but that was in front of your face the whole time.

Two excerpts from the book I really liked:

“A few years back I heard about a study of the energy efficiency of all means of transportation.  In the company of cars and airplanes, in the company of flies and frogs, in the company of eels, alligators, cheetahs, and eagles, the bicycle, as ridden by a professional, was deemed the most energy-efficient means of transportation.”

“I named it the Grinch, and on it my body understood optimum efficiency.  I saw clearly that, even at the height of our present technological savvy, the bicycle could never be buried; it could only be misunderstood and unappreciated.”

A favorite quote from this year, “The best rides are the ones where you bite off more than you can chew, and live through it.” – Doug Bradbury

A favorite lesson from this year, “The hill always looks bigger as you approach it, than it is once you are on it.” – my own epiphany

I have to say that those still hold true today.  In my 2011 goals post I talked about biting off more than I could chew.  I knew I was putting a lot on myself for the year and could feel myself choking on it even before it happened.  As each event came and went I was astonished that they were happening and going well.  I just kept chewing and by the end of the year I had checked off all but one of my goals.  I sit here at the start of 2012 looking back and I am overwhelmed by the memories of what was accomplished. 

Goal one was to do more than 50 miles of the BikeMS: Atlanta to Athens ride.  I did all 80 miles on day one and 45 miles of day two before I dehydrated and had to come off the bike.  I was excited about surpassing my goal but deflated about not finishing the ride.

Goal two was to ride Natchez Trace – that didn’t happen because my riding partner changed jobs the week before the ride was scheduled.  He couldn’t swing it then but has given me dates for making it happen this year.

Goal three was growing my team and doing BikeMS: Atlanta.  I did not take 25 people as I hoped but I did bring on board new sponsors, increased sponsorship from an existing sponsor, got new kits, and took a team of 7 riders and 2 volunteers.  Those 7 people had so much fun that all of them are coming back this year and bringing people with them.  The Domestiques joined MS Cycling, Inc and attempted to pull off a huge team fundraiser.  The event was enjoyed by all that attended but it was a flop in terms of number attending.  I did get in over my head on that one and paid for it.  The ride went very well.  Like I said, everyone had fun, several outperformed their personal goals, and I rode strong both days and had fun even with the team captain stress I was feeling.  My sister and trail guide girl ran my team tent and helped out at the team chalet.  They were awesome and I couldn’t have done it without them.  This was my finest goal achievement all year.

Goal four was to participate in the CF Cycle for Life ride again.  I did that, raising more money than the year before.  I rode with Team Coca-cola and helped the team and myself reach the 15th spot on the Top Fundraiser lists for individuals and teams.  Family members of my two honorees really helped out with the fundraising this year and I think my co-workers had more fun with it.

Along with those goals that I set and accomplished I also did the Peachtree Road Race, an epic birthday ride and my first Triathlon.  I walked a lot of the Peachtree but was pleased with my overall performance since I don’t like 10K distances.  The Triathlon was all I hoped for and more.  I really stunk up the run part but the swim and bike were so much better than I thought that it made the whole event something to be proud of.  And what can I say about the birthday ride other than go read the blogs from last year because it was truly a tale to tell.

My personal, non-athletic goal for the year was to improve mental health becoming more positive in my thinking through reading more.  I read at least 16 books and have 3 in different stages of incompleteness.  I had a horrible year in terms of financial set-backs and I can look back on each of those overwhelmingly stressful occurences and see that my response to each was more positive than I normally am and each one became increasingly more positive and less stressful throughout the year.  That amazes me because the later in the year it got the less I had in savings and the costs continued to climb.  Finances stress me out more than anything else and I took those events in stride.  I also think I responded to work stress a bit more positively and really avoided a lot of stress because I kept a cork board of Motivational items prompted by things I read throughout the year.  That board has things like a fork that says, “keep your fork because good things are yet to come;”  a pack of seeds to remind me that every interaction I have with other people I am planting a seed and I want it to be positive uplifting seed I sow; a couple of pins that came from rides or triathlon events; thank you cards I received; quotes from texts or emails I got that were encouraging statements to me directly; and other reminders of goals I set and influence I extend to others.

On top of all the cycling, running, and swimming I did in training and events, books I read to improve myself, and standard life occurences like my full-time and part-time jobs, I did go to school like I stated in the 2010 post.  I took 2 classes in the Spring, 3 in the Summer, and 3 in the Fall.  I read textbooks, articles, software guides, and legal reference material.  I took exams, wrote papers, and put together class projects of legal documents.  I attended class on campus and online.  I have been stretched thin and I have been exhilarated by the learning process.  And through all of that I have maintained a 4.0 GPA.

I was invited to join the National Golden Key Honor Society and received notice I was nominated for the MS Leadership Class of 2012.  I am on track to join the paralegal honor society and will graduate with my certificate at the end of this Spring semester.

So how do you top all of that?  I am not sure I can but here is how I am going to try:

Fitness goals – Wheels O’Fire ride in April, volunteer for BikeMS: Atlanta to Athens in May, Natchez Trace ride in May/June, possibly do the Peachtree again in July, RAGBRAI in July, Triathlon in August, BikeMS: Atlanta with a bigger team in September, BikeMS: Jack and Back in October, and CF Cycle for Life in November.

Personal goals – be more intentional about eating healthy.  I have gotten down below my goal weight and could reach my ideal weight with just the right tweak in my diet and exercise.  I have learned that it is no longer cheaper for a single person to eat out than to eat at home and to eat healthy out is way expensive, so I will be cooking more at home.  So far that is going well and I enjoy the satisfaction of knowing I did that when I eat a good meal.  I will continue to read motivational books but plan to work some “for fun” books back into the mix.

Work goals – stay on at the bike shop because I love being there so much and it is just a thrill to help someone find the right bike for them and get them out riding again or for the first time.  Keep on keeping on at MDA.  Finish up the paralegal certificate and see what it takes to qualify for the National exam.

Spiritual goals – be more intentional about doing my Bible Study lessons prior to Monday night meetings, find ways to get more involved with my Trail Guide girls current and past, and seek ways to plug-in at church outside of the ministry I am already a part of.

It is going to be another whirlwind of a year, I know I can make these things happen because I made it through 2011 with lofty goals.  I am feeling incredibly overwhelmed right now and can feel the huge bite I have taken starting to choke me – but I know I just need to keep chewing.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 3,200 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 53 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Life applications can be made from the things you do or don’t do while swimming.  I have been swimming twice a week for most weeks since March.  I usually think about what is going on at work or school while passing the time as I go back and forth, back and forth in the pool.  Today I had a plan to do a big swim, bigger than ever before and I knew I needed to be focused.  That is when all the things I was doing started applying themselves to other aspects of life.  I wished I had a way to telepathically record all I was thinking.  I am going to attempt to do those thoughts justice in this blog.

As you read this you can think about these things through the eyes of a business owner, manager, leader, etc.

First thing is walking into the pool area.  As you walk in you are thinking about how cold the water will be, assessing any empty lanes and if you can get in one alone or if you need to partner up and if so with whom would you be willing to partner.  You watch the earlier swimmers as they go up and down the lanes.  You think about how they are doing it right or wrong, how smooth or choppy they are making progress, but they all are making progress, they are all already in the water.  You may question whether or not you belong even though you know you do.

You find a lane and get ready.  You know that first contact is going to be hard, maybe even painful, but you also know that it won’t take long to acclimate and enjoy the environment.  You get in, get your goggles (equipment) in place and commit.  You make a big push off the wall to get things going and to check the placement of your equipment, making sure it is set properly and not leaking.  As you glide underwater you aim for your surface point.  This is where the first big lesson comes in – you have to make it to your surface point no matter what.  If you fall short of that point by sucking in “air” too soon then you don’t get air you get water.  To survive you have to stick it out to that first milestone, that first measuring line.  When you get there you get to breathe in deep and start your stroke.  This is what you got in the pool to do – you got this.

Stroke, breathe, stroke, stroke, breathe – on and on you go to the end – flip – and return.  Sounds simple enough until you don’t stay focused and you try to breathe in when you should be breathing out.  You think holding your breath is part of the equation, but an efficient swimmer never holds their breath.  You are either breathing in or out the entire time.  There is no pause - only work, stay focused on that or you get the out confused with the in and you suck in water.

Another thing about swimming is that while you are immersed in the water, you don’t want to let the water cover you completely.  You want to skim the top of it – glide along the surface.  The more you skim, the more glide you have, the faster you go, the more efficient you are in your stroke.  To do this properly you have to have the right amount of tension in your abs and you have to pull the water smoothly, and you have to kick consistently but not big.  You should not have a kick splash at all.  Your feet stay in the water, your torso stays on the water, and your arms move in and out of the water rhythmically.  Next big lesson – smooth and steady wins the race.  Don’t get fancy or you plunge into the water deeper than necessary.  Get too deep and you can’t get back up quick enough to take a breath.  You take in water instead.

Each push off the wall takes you deep into the water, focused on that surface point, ready to start your stroke.  That push can help you or hurt you in reaching your surface point.  A good push and you don’t have to work much to get there.  A bad push and you surface too soon and work harder the rest of the length of the pool or you stay shallow and lose the benefit of the push too soon.  A bad push can come from flipping too soon, only getting one foot on the wall, or placing your feet poorly and sliding on the tile rather than gripping the textured wall.  Some of these bad pushes can be worse than others.  You will still get down the pool, you may just have to work harder to do it.  Utilize the momentum going into the wall and you can come off of it strong and in good position.

Stay aware of your position.  High in the water, centered in the lane – unless sharing and then you stay straight but to the side.  Being aware of your position lets you know when you are getting fatigued and sinking down in the water.  You either need to dig deep and get back on the surface, slow down so you aren’t pulling so hard and can glide on the top, or maybe you need to flat out stop for a rest.  Sinking down in the water keeps your head from clearing the water’s surface – you can’t get a good breath in like that so you take on water.  If you get low enough you take on a lot of water and no air.  A stronger kick, a smoother pull, tightening your abs, refocusing on the task at hand and not thinking about other things can all get you back on the surface.  Be aware of where you are in the workout, how much time, energy, and distance you have left and you will know the best option for getting back to the surface.

Another thing about swimming is that other folks are doing the same thing but in very different ways.  They will come and go around you.  They will go faster or slower than you.  They may do different strokes than you.  The big lesson you need to learn here is that you have to do what you came to do and not worry about what they are doing.  You can watch and admire a great swimmer, mimic a smooth stroke, or know how not to do it, but when it comes down to it – you have to swim your swim.

I swim with a friend.  While we are at the pool we do our own thing.  So when I say I swim with a friend what I mean is me and a friend show up at the pool at the same time, swim about the same amount of time, and head out about the same time.  Nothing else we do while getting there, being there, or leaving there is alike.  The lesson here is that you can have someone to hold you accountable, to make sure you show up and actually get into the pool, but you still have to do your own swimming.

There is a group at the pool that works with a coach.  You can do that too.  Coaches are good for guidance, correction, and motivation.  I call my coach, Mentor.  I don’t swim with a coach, but I do read articles occasionally about improving swim strokes, strength versus endurance swimming, tools or no tools, etc.  In life I have several mentors – some in the past, some still around but not actively mentoring me, some actively mentoring me, some in the reserves that I hit up for advice as needed.  One of the things about swimming is that you can feel how you are doing but you cannot see how you are doing.  My stroke my feel like it is smooth and steady but a video of myself may prove otherwise.  Having a coach can be beneficial in improving, if for no other reason than they can see all of you while you can only see parts of you.

Another key player in the pool is the lifeguard.  They don’t say anything, they don’t stare, but they are aware of everything you are doing.  When you lose focus they pay closer attention.  When you take on water they respond.  The lifeguard is there to protect you from yourself – you may not admit you are tired and rest properly, you may not realize you are sinking deeper and not skimming the surface anymore.  When you lose focus without realizing you are losing focus you become dangerous to yourself.  The lifeguard is not there to make you snap out of it – they are there to save you when you get too far down to come back on your own.  For some folks this can be a business partner, a family member, a friend, or a mentor – you gotta have someone in your life that can watch out for you when you aren’t watching out for yourself.

A book I am reading right now has a formula in it:  FI/T*G=M.  What that means is Focused Intensity over Time multiplied by God equals Motivation.  I thought about that while swimming today because to swim successfully without killing yourself by drowning you have to have focus – to get a good workout in and not just splashing around in the water you have to have intensity.   So a focused intensity is required in the pool and in any successful endeavor in life.  It takes time for success to come.  It took me 50 minutes to do the workout I planned for today.  That isn’t long when compared to a day, a week, a month, a year in a business life, but it is a long time to be in the water going back and forth, back and forth.  I strive for everything I do to be multiplied by God, so even my workouts are focused on Him.  I am either praying to pass the time by multitasking or I am disciplining myself in some way to be a better servant.  A workout is a discipline in maintaining a proper temple for Holy Spirit – I have to take care of myself because I am God’s temple.  In the pool the focused intensity over time with God on board – I am highly motivated to do better, to go faster, to benefit more from the effort.  In life this same focused intensity over time with God motivates me to be and do what God designed me to be and do.

Final lesson – when your time is up, you’ve reached your goal, or your body is too fatigued to continue – get out of the pool.  Staying where you shouldn’t be, even though you once were perfectly okay with being there, will only lead to disaster.  Disaster in a pool is deadly.  As you get out of the water and walk away – look back and think – What I doubted as I entered, I have conquered and leave satisfied.

Don’t be afraid of the water, but don’t take it for granted either.  A healthy respect of what can kill you is a wise thing, but using it to your advantage is a great thing.  So – go get wet (pool, career, relationship – whatever it is that needs your focus).

The book is The Christmas Sweater by Glenn Beck.  Since the book is authored by Beck I didn’t question it’s appropriateness for the workplace book club, but the title made me suspect.  After reading it I am baffled as to how it fits a workplace book club.  Sure it is a good book for a book club but not really one based at work.

It may be my attitude the past couple of days and especially tonight that tainted my take on the book, so please don’t take my word for it in this review without reading the book yourself.

The book is written in a way that holds your attention because he does a good job with “rabbit-trail” stories and then coming back to the main story.  The “rabbit-trail” stories are better than the main one so I enjoyed them more.  Halfway through the book the heart strings get pulled and pretty much stay that way for the rest of book.  I don’t like reading stuff that makes me cry because it seems awkward and weird to cry over a book, so this one being a huge tear-jerker didn’t make me happy.  I don’t like stories told that induce feelings of guilt or sad emotions.  That is the basis of this book.

The overall story is a good one and has a feel good life application lesson in it.  It is predictable but still impactful.  It is easy to read.  I started it a little while back and only got a couple of chapters into it because I hadn’t committed to it.  Today I made the commitment and read in one afternoon.  If you know someone or are someone who struggles with self worth and the ability to forgive or appreciate yourself like others around you do then it is a must read.  If you have a fairly good grasp of who you are and a healthy outlook on your self and your life then it is a good story to share but less applicable to your own mental outlook.

I would recommend this book to others but wouldn’t suggest putting at the top of their list.  It isn’t a “set all other books aside” and read it kind of book.  Maybe a “get around to it on a quiet afternoon” kind of book.

Occasionally I will do something that I think will bring one or both of these things to me.  On some of those occasions I try to reason with God – I’ve done this much and it is all I know to do, so please provide the rest.

When neither of these things come I get melancholy and depressed.  I get angry with myself, with God, and with life in general.  Then I go 180 degrees the other direction and decide I don’t want nor need either of them and God can just keep them from me if that is what He wants.  He’s calling the shots anyway.  My grown up version of a temper tantrum.

Lately as I have asked again, a lot more specifically for one of these things, I hear a voice in my head that can only be Holy Spirit saying, “I am enough, I AM enough, I am ENOUGH.”  In my head I know this, in my heart not so much.  On the other thing I know it in my heart but not in my head.

Today was one of those days that I decided I would do all that I could do and see if God would do the rest.  I heard a resounding NO as loud as a no could resound.  I was hurt and sad.  I don’t understand why these things continue to elude me.  I don’t know the significance of why I can’t have them.  I do know that God’s in control, so there must be a reason.

Then 30 minutes of fading sunlight, a mountain bike, and God’s creation reminded me that I have all that I need.

God is enough, God is enough, God is enough.

So between now and when I forget this again, I can emphatically and quite literally say, “to hell with the 2 things I want.”  I do not need them, I am fine without them.  God will provide, God is enough.  I have all I need.

Thank you God, for allowing me to be reminded and refreshed through your beauty while on a bike.

On a lessor note and more common occurrence is the one thing in a day that turns the whole perspective of the day around.

This past weekend I was in Nashville visiting my sister.  The purpose for the trip was to attend the musical Wicked.  I had a long and frustrating week prior to the trip so my wonderful sister made my favorite meal to have ready for me when I arrived Friday night.  Before getting to her place several things had to fall into place, some good, some annoying.

A month ago I got the oil changed in my car.  Two days later there was smoke coming off my engine.  During the oil change the incompetent mechanic spilled oil on my engine block and did not see fit to clean it up.  This oil was burning off the engine and scared me when I saw smoke.   Finding out it was a spill and nothing major I went about life.  A few weeks later and I was still smelling oil burning.  A couple of times I checked the oil level and it never seemed to be any lower, so I just thought it would take time to burn off all of the spill.  A month down the road and I was still smelling oil burning, so I asked a car guy at church to look at it for me.  I wanted to know if it would just continue to burn off or if I needed to take the car to my mechanic.  Verdict was it needed to go to the mechanic.

So on Friday I took the car in, got a rental for the weekend and was excited about having a working radio for my trip.  The rental car was fun to drive but not anything I would ever own.

After all this frustration, I was very excited to see homemade lasagna on the table upon my arrival to my sister’s place.  Oh boy was that good stuff.

The next morning the day began with my sister making cake pops for a kid’s birthday party and I sat on the couch and read.  Then we headed out to Amish Country.  A little bit Southwest of where my sister lives is a huge Amish community.  We ate lunch at the Red Rooster Cafe and picked up a map of the farms in the area.  At each farm there is a sign at the end of the road stating what items that farm sells.  We stopped at several but not all of them.  The furniture we saw was amazing craftmanship and the canned food all looked great.  We were in and out of the car all morning/afternoon long.  We bought a jar of jam, a jar of peanut butter, and a Christmas present for a family member.  We had an absolute blast hanging out together, being outside, experiencing a different culture, and watching other people.

We stopped back by Dana’s place to drop off our goodies, she put the finishing touches on the cake pops to make them look like Lightning McQueen from Cars,  I read a little bit more, and then we changed clothes and headed off for dinner and the show.

We got to downtown Nashville with a very low tank of gas.  I am somewhat of a worry wort over stuff like that, so I had to find gas before we did anything else.  We ended up out of the downtown area to find a station.  We got gas and headed back to our destinations.  Because of the unplanned stop I was worried about timing of eating and getting to the show on time.  I was a bit rushed getting out of the car and heading to the restaurant.  There ended up being no wait, the food was great, the owner and all the servers met us at some point while we were there, we got to see the beginning of the LSU/AL football game, and we headed out for the show on time.  The day, the night, the plans were all going perfectly and we hadn’t even gotten to the musical yet.

TPAC is a fun venue and we really enjoyed our cheap up in the air seats because we were center stage.  We arrived early enough to enjoy more of the game via our smart phones and of course more people watching.  The production was beyond words incredible and when it ended we “watched” the final score of the football game via our phones again.  We got back to the car and headed straight down  Broadway soaking up as much Nashville charm and ambiance as we could.  We were having the most perfect day from beginning to end.  Then the next morning I discovered my messenger bag was missing.  Remembering back through the da,y the best I could figure was that it was stolen from the car in the parking garage while we were downtown.  I must not have gotten the car properly locked in my rush to be on time.  My heart sank and my perception of the perfect day changed in an instant.

One thing changed and my whole day went from perfect to horrible.  I didn’t want that one thing to be the defining thing for my day.  I didn’t want my attitude stemming from that one thing to change Dana’s perspective of the day, but at the end of Sunday – the last thing I did before leaving town was file a police report.  I was seriously bummed and struggling hard with not letting that change the perfection of the day before.  That is hard to do and I fluctuate now a week later between remembering the perfectness and being swayed by the blight on the day.  One thing – one thing changed and an entire day changed.

This week has been a struggle because I have been physically ill about my bag being stolen.  I have had trouble focusing at work and work has been really busy and a tad bit crazy this week so focus was needed.  I have had great friend and family support from the moment I got back all the way to today.

Monday became the day of the car.  I had to get the rental car back and a couple of co-workers picked me up on their way back to the office from lunch.  Then I spent the afternoon talking to the mechanic off and on going from “I don’t think anything is wrong” to “let me see if I can get the parts and we’ll fix it today.”  At the end of the day another co-worker was going to drop me off at the mechanic’s place on his way home from work.  He was very kind and gracious and because of that he refused to leave me until I gave him a thumbs up that my car was good.  I waited and waited and finally was told it wasn’t going to happen tonight.  Crap!

All my call-in-a-pinch friends were at Bible Study, where I was headed after getting my car.  I didn’t want to pull any of them out of Bible Study and I couldn’t ask Jason to take me to them on the other side of town.  I also couldn’t ask Jason to take me home, way out of his way.  So, I asked Jason to take me back to the office.  I called my buddy Jeff to come pick me up at the office.  I swim with Jeff’s wife on Tuesdays so she picked me up Tuesday morning to go swim and then dropped me off at work that morning.  Thank the good Lord I have great co-workers and awesome church family.  Later Tuesday I had a co-worker bribed to help me pick up my car by offering to eat lunch at one of her favorite places just past where my  mechanic is located.  I couldn’t offer to buy her meal because I am broke, broke, broke and my car just made me more broke.  I did offer to eat at one of her favorite spots though.  So, I missed Bible Study Monday night, inconvenienced a handful of people, and forked over money I didn’t have to fork over to replace a gasket in my car.

Just as the week started out frustrating and annoying – it was looking to end that way also.  Today has been one thing after another keeping my on other people’s schedules and not my own.  I don’t like days that happen to me rather than unfolding before me via some semi-semblance of a plan.  Then one thing changed.

I had a meeting set up for the end of the day with one of our marketing guys.  While doing some internal auditing (the least favorite part of my job) I noticed something on a provider’s resume that made me think of an idea.  I floated that idea by this marketing guy and he was so excited about it he scheduled a meeting with me for today.  What was to be about 30 minutes turned into an hour and we are both way excited about where this idea will be going next year in and for our company.  The excitement, energy, and just great conversation in that meeting completely changed my perspective of the day and maybe even my week.  One thing changed – one thing was different and my whole attitude changed.  My crappy week became a launch pad for great things to come.

One thing – one thing can change and everything else around it changes.  Guard your heart, guard your minds and look for the one thing that can set you on a positive path.  Fight like everything to get back on that path when the one thing that changes creates a negative attitude.  Find the good in the bad and see if you can force that next one thing to change so you get back on the positive path quickly.

Yes, my bag was stolen and my journal is gone, but I had a great weekend with my sister, I saw an amazing musical, I was recognized by someone from a former line of work and he remembered me because of my positive influence and I had a car with a working radio for my trip.

Yes, my car cost me money and the mechanic kept it a day longer than I wanted him to, but I got to experience the kindness of co-workers and friends and I got to see how not alone I am when I need help.

Yes, my week was full and frustrating.  No, it didn’t go according to plan, but I ended up inspired and was able to generate an idea at the right time in the right place to generate energy and excitement for the future.

One thing changed – and a multitude of things happened.

There are things that I own that I would be sad if I lost them and there are things that have been taken from me that I miss, but there are very very few things in life that it would make me physically ill to lose it.  When my house got broken into the first time, the things taken were of no real consequence to me.  Everything taken was replaceable or something that I didn’t replace because it wasn’t used anymore.  When my house was broken into the second time there were items taken worth some sentimental value.  It hurt for those to be gone and it made me sad to lose them, but it didn’t make me ill.  I still hate that they are gone and that I will never get them back, but life can go on without them without much of a hiccup.

This weekend while visiting Nashville a messenger bag was stolen out of the rental car I was using.  This bag was like my purse.  I don’t carry a bunch of trinket stuff, no make-up, and none of the other odds and ends you will find in most women’s purses.  What I want with me is a book, my Bible, a good pen, and my journal.  These things take up some space but not enough to justify carrying a backpack, so I use a small sized messenger bag.  The bag I owned was ordered on sale and was a custom design.  I got to pick the colors and options on the bag.  I chose a dark brown exterior so I could carry the bag when dressed up or when dressed down.  I chose a powder blue inside in honor of the Lady Vols – Champions in many respects.  I chose orange for the logo on the front.  It was a small splash of color in honor of my alma mater, UTK.  I had the accessory pouch placed on the inside.  This pouch had a long zipper compartment where I kept a few ink pens, a check book, stamps, and a highlighter.  It had a small pocket with a flap that would velcro shut.  Normally I kept a point and shoot camera in there but this weekend it wasn’t there because I had just downloaded pictures off of it and hadn’t returned it to the bag yet.  Then there was an open pocket just the right size for my wallet (which was not in the bag when it was taken).  Finally there was a smaller pocket on the front of the open pocket just the right size for business cards.  Along with the items above I had a small bottle of contact solution and a container of dental floss.  This was the world inside my messenger bag.

The company that made the bag no longer makes that style of bag – that is why I got it on sale, it was on closeout.  So I cannot replace the bag – it is lost forever.  This makes me sad because I loved my messenger bag.  It was the perfect size for what I wanted and needed and it served its purpose well.  The dark brown even did the whole casual to dressy better than I anticipated.

The Bible that was inside it was given to me by my parents for Christmas one year.  It was thin and tall about the size of a spiral notebook only not as wide.  I wanted it to carry in a briefcase or backpack and it was a great size for that.  It was NOT my personal study Bible that I have had since high school, so I didn’t lose all my years of underlines and margin notes.  The Bible in this bag had some notes but not many.  I used it for my Monday night Bible Study group, Sunday morning church, and any time I found myself on a park bench and wanting to read.  I am irritated that it is gone but not overly sad and definitely not physically ill.  I have plenty of other Bibles to use and maybe someone will find this one and need it more than I do since it was an extra one for me.

The pocket calendar, I forgot to list above, had all my school assignments listed in it to keep me on track through the rest of the semester.  That information can be recreated on my phone calendar, so it was no great loss.  Not irritated, sad, or physically ill over that.

The checkbook being missing worries me but not a lot.  The stamps being gone is irritating because now I have to buy new ones.  The dental floss being gone is no big deal, I have another travel size one in my desk at work.  The contact solution is irritating because that stuff isn’t cheap and on more than one occasion today I turned around in my chair to reach for the drops for my eyes only to be faced with a blank wall – no bag hanging there to retrieve the drops from.  The pens that are missing are a mix of irritating and sad.  I just got a brand new pen from my company with our new logo and in our new colors.  It was a nice pen that writes well, so I was excited to get it.  Other than to test it out I haven’t even used that pen yet and now it is lost forever – that is irritating.  Another pen in the bag was given to me by my mentor for my birthday.  She gave it to me and told me to write amazing journal entries with it.  Losing that is sad because it was a cool looking pen from a person I respect and admire.  It needed a new ink cartridge because it didn’t write well, but I had the number for the refill written down and I have looked for it a couple of places already to be able to use that pen more.  Finally, a thin silver pen with a good weight and a great writing nib is lost forever.  This pen was given to my by my Uncle when he was a chemical salesman.  The company he worked for doesn’t exist anymore as far as I know.  There is no way to replace that pen.  I have had it since high school.  I have refilled the ink in it a couple of times.  I have lost it in moves only to find it again later to much rejoicing.  Now it is lost forever and that makes me sad.

The final item listed above that was in the bag was my journal.  I started journaling when I was in college.  For a long time I kept two journals, one for personal thoughts and one for sermon notes.  A few years ago I combined everything into one journal.  I took my journal every where.  I would take sermon notes in the journal at church, at devotionals, and at retreats or seminars.  I would write personal Bible study notes in my journal.  The very first page has a list of on-going prayer requests.  Every new journal gets that list written in it first thing.  I list all my family members and something specific I want to pray for them while filling that particular journal.  Then I will list friends, acquaintances, or strangers that I want to pray for on a regular basis.  If the specific thing I wrote down was fulfilled I would make a note next to it and put something else down or mark them as completed and add someone new to the list to pray for next.  When reading a book if I found something interesting or remarkable that I wanted to remember and be able to revisit in the future, I would write it in the journal so I wouldn’t have to remember the book the quote was in later.  If I borrow a book from someone I write more in my journal about that book because I can’t highlight or underline in it and I can’t revisit the book itself later – I need all the good stuff in my journal.  Any time I would take MARTA into Atlanta I took my journal.  While at the symphony I would write thoughts about the music, while at the HIGH museum I would write thoughts about art or artist or things that art stirred in me, while on the train I would write about my day, the people around me, the plight of  man, the solutions to all the worlds problems, pretty much whatever came up.

A few years ago I was mentored on going deeper in prayer.  One of the exercises I was taught was writing my prayers out.  One way is to just write what you would say and I did that some in my journal.  Another way was called Examon and it is 3 specific questions that you answer about your day in a prayer to God.  I haven’t done as many of those lately as I did right after learning about them, but I did have some written in my journal.  When I have something heavy on my mind or heart I do better writing it out so I have personal thoughts throughout the journal.  Never anything so personal that I would be embarrassed or devastated if someone read it but still somewhat personal that I wouldn’t just hand the book to someone and say, “here read this.”  Because I took the journal with me everywhere there was always the risk of a curious person picking it up and reading it so I never wrote down my deepest darkest secrets or wildest dreams.  I do write about people I know and call them by name but never anything that I wouldn’t let them read for themselves.  I never write negative things about people in my journals.  Maybe frustrations I have with something they did or didn’t do – said or didn’t say, but never a personal attack on someone.  I have the gift of encouragement not criticism.

Finally, I had almost all of my mentoring relationship with my current mentor in this journal.  When I think of something I wanted to ask my mentor I wrote it in my journal.  I had a page set aside to write these questions.  After having lunch with my mentor and asking as many of those questions as I could during that meeting I would go back and write in answers I got or I would use memory ques to remind of what the answer was.  I don’t like blank space in the journal.  If a prayer took 1/2 a page then I would draw a line under it to signify the end and then the next thing whether a sermon, personal thought, or book comments would start on the next line.  I never started fresh at the top of page for anything except mentoring questions.  I knew that over time I would fill the page with questions and they are easier to find if they are kept together, so I would start a new page with questions and over 3-4 months of meetings, that page would fill up and then I would start over with a new page wherever I was currently in the journal.  I could flip back to those pages and look for unasked questions and move them forward to the new section.  I would just keep rolling questions forward until a lunch where they could be asked.  The unasked questions are now lost forever.  The answers to the asked questions are lost forever.

There are very few things in my life that to lose them would make me physically ill, but having lost my journal I can say that it is one of those things.  Yesterday morning after discovering my bag was gone and thinking about what was missing because of that - I was irritated, I was sad, and when I thought about my journal I felt like I wanted to throw up.  Today at work not having my bag behind me hanging on a peg over my cubicle wall was unsettling.  I never realized how many times in a day I would get something from the bag or put something in the bag until today when the bag wasn’t there.  Then I would remember all the things that are lost and when I thought of my journal I got nauseous.  Writing this blog is making me feel a bit sick.  It isn’t that I’m worried about someone reading my journal – I kinda hope they do – I have learned a lot from a lot of people smarter than me and what they have said is in that journal, so maybe the reader will get some of the blessings I’ve had by being around these smart people.  What makes me sick is that almost a year of my life – prayers, thoughts, book comments, sermon notes, and mentoring answers – is gone.  It is a little but not a lot like being in a coma and waking up and realizing a year of your life is gone, lost to you forever.  Sure I have my memories of what I learned and experienced that was written in my journal but not the detail or the nuance of getting to read it fresh and new again a year from now or ten years from now.  I get so much out of reading my old journals that each new one is better than the one before.  I write for my future self – I include as much as I can so I don’t lose anything and now this past year is lost.

This book means absolutely nothing to the person that took my bag.  They probably tossed it into the first available trash can.  What is completely meaningless to them is oh so so so valuable to me.  It just makes me sick to think my journal is in the trash somewhere – if only I knew where I could get it back – but no, it is forever LOST.